


Can you hear me?

by Writemetothestars



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Book 1: Keeper of the Lost Cities, Book 2: Exile, Book 3: Everblaze, Book 4: Neverseen, Book 5: Lodestar, Book 6: Nightfall, Book 7: Flashback, Book 8: Legacy, Everyone is worried about her, F/M, I wrote this and cried, Keefe Sencen - Freeform, Keefe is comatose, My heart hurts a little, Okay A Lot, One-shot Post Legacy, Sokeefe - Freeform, Sophie Foster - Freeform, Sophie is depressed, The Neverseen (Keeper of the Lost Cities), i also wrote this instead of sleeping, they're so cute, this mad me sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writemetothestars/pseuds/Writemetothestars
Relationships: Sophie Foster/Keefe Sencen
Comments: 3
Kudos: 45
Collections: sokeefe shit!!!





	Can you hear me?

I could feel the burning of fresh tears trying to escape my eyes, but I refused to let them. It had been weeks since I let myself cry, and I wasn't about to pick today to start the habit back up. I opted for a different habit and pulled at my eyelashes.

"I'm surprised you have any left after today." A deep accented voice floated around me, but I didn't turn towards it.

Today.

Just a day.

Tomorrow people will move on with their lives.

And in a week people won't even remember what today's date was.

But I will never forget. I will never be able to forget the first time I saw those impossibly blue flowers. Icey in a way that pulled at my heart. The golden leaves draped and looped making it look almost intentionally messy. It all felt so wrong because it didn't feel like him. It didn't capture him the way that it should have. The tree didn't make you feel anything but sadness and it was so unbelievably wrong. I couldn't stand being near it. It wasn't him, he wouldn't want this. He would have hated this.

"How are you holding up?" A different voice asked, lighter but similar to the last. My arm felt warm as someone looped theirs in mine. Then my shoulder. _Someone had their arm around my shoulder. Who was it?_

The voices went quiet. _Or did they?_

There was something else. Someone else. What are they saying? I can't hear them. The silence is too loud. I can't hear them over the silence. Their words were drowning. I had to get them back. What did they say?

_They're gone._

There were so many people around me, but I couldn't hear any of them. I couldn't hear anything. Why can't I hear anything? The silence was deafening. I could feel myself drowning along with the words. Maybe that was how I'd get them. I had to drown in the silence. I had to lose myself in the words.

"Sophie?" I could feel the arms around me shaking me. Or was I just shaking? My eyes started to gloss over. NO.

_Don't cry._

I could feel my breathing quicken. My chest felt like it was on fire.

No. Not my chest.

_My heart._

The arms around me tightened. "Sophie, it's okay." Okay? Nothing about this would ever be okay. "It's okay to cry."

The sharp intake of air felt like a knife in my throat. I snapped my eyes open. When did I close my eyes? My vision was blurry, my breathing labored, I don't know how I managed to steady my voice, "no, it's not."

I turned my head abruptly to the direction the voice had come from. "It's not okay. It will never be okay again." I could see it in her eyes. The inevitable pity. I wanted to scream. Her eyes darted past me.

"Sophie." I turned my head around. More pity. I let my eyes drift to the ground, I couldn't stand looking at his eyes. Those pity filled teal eyes. "Sophie." His voice was softer now. "It's okay if you want to cry." There it was again.

Crying.

I snapped back to face him. "I can't." He shook his head and I lowered my gaze again, something about his eyes made mine burn. He started to speak but the voice I heard next came from in front of me, "you don't have to be afraid to cry, Sophie."

"You don't understand." I couldn't tear my eyes from the ground. I couldn't handle any more pity.

"We know what you're going through, Soph, let us help."

"We're all here for you."

"It's gonna be okay."

I don't even know what voice belonged to who anymore. I can't tell them apart. I can't breathe. The words were suffocating me. I shook off everyone's hands. There were so many hands on me. My skin felt like it was burning. I had to get away. I had to get away from the burning.

"STOP" My voice was shaky, so shaky. Shades of blue blurred my vision. So many eyes, all on me. I turned back towards my friends. They had all huddled together a few feet between us. I hated the way they all looked at me now. Like I was something to fix, like I was broken. "Just stop." My voice was practically a whisper, had they even heard me?

A soft voice spoke, "Sophie, you just need to let yourself cry, you're bottling everything up. It's going to be okay." _Linh, I think._

"You don't understand, I can't let myself cry."

"Why?" A different voice asked. Lower. Deeper. _Wylie maybe?_

I shut my eyes, squeezing them until I could see tiny white circles in a void of blackness. "Because.." I opened my eyes to find more pity. "I'm scared."

"You don't need to be afraid to cry, to let yourself feel." _Was that Linh? No. Biana?_

"Yes, I do." I could feel my voice trembling.

"We're all feeling the same thing, Sophie." _Fitz._

"No, we're not. It's different for me." I balled my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palm. I needed to feel something. Why couldn't I feel anything? Had I gone numb?

"How is it different?" _Definitely Linh._

"Because if I start crying I don't think I'll ever stop." My voice felt foreign. It was too strong to belong to me. Too loud. Too certain.

No one spoke. No one told me it was going to be okay. No one could even look me in the eyes. Everything started to spin. It was all just a blur of blue and black.

_Black?_

That's not right. Green. It should be green. Why were they wearing black? I looked down, why was I wearing black? This is wrong. This isn't right.

"This is wrong."

_Sophie!_

"This isn't right.."

_Sophie!_

"Somethings wrong!"

_Sophie, wake up!_

"SOMETHINGS WRONG"

_FOSTER!_

_FOSTER, WAKE UP!_

**_o_ **

I jolted awake. "NO." It was a dream. It was all a dream. Someone sighed beside me. I snapped my head, Elwin, "Sophie, are you okay?"

"Yes. I just had a.. nightmare." It was a nightmare. None of it was real. "Maybe you should tak-" I cut him off, absolutely not. "No, I don't want a sedative." I turned my focus away from him. "I'm fine now."

He didn't believe me, but he left me alone anyway. I rubbed my head and closed my eyes. "A nightmare," I mumbled to myself. "Just a nightmare." I opened my eyes letting them trail up to the boy laying in front of me. I let my fingers graze his arm, settling on his hand. I felt a tug on my heart as I wrapped my hand around his.

_**Hold on, Keefe. Keep holding on.** _

I know he can't hear me, not really. Sometimes transmitting to him made me feel better. At first, I thought maybe if I did he would hear me and he would wake up but it's been weeks and he hasn't so much as twitched. If I hadn't been able to see his chest rise and fall I would have sworn he was dead. My heart twisted. "Just a nightmare" I whispered.

I laid my head down against his arm, so desperate for some type of warmth. I slowly extended my consciousness into his. It was so dark. It felt endless and empty.

**_Keefe.._ **

I sighed, why did I pause? I pulled my mind from his, letting myself focus solely on his heartbeat. Letting it soothe me back to sleep.

**_o_ **

Voices. I slowly opened my eyes, preparing for the bright fluorescent healing center lights. "Hi, Fitz." I squinted, turning towards the boy standing at the end of Keefe's cot. He didn't smile, his eyes didn't shine.

"Sophie.." He took a few steps closer, "you look horrible." I gawked at him causing him to quickly add, "no offense."

Was he serious? "It's a little late for that, Fitz." I reached my hand up and mused with my hair. "I had a rough night.." Just a nightmare.

Fitz's eyes trailed to my hand wrapped around Keefe's. "Did something happen?" His eyes looked hopeful, I almost felt bad to take that hope away. But false hope never helped anyone.

"I had a nightmare is all.." My eyes darted back to Keefe. "We were all at his wanderling ceremony."

Fitz placed his hand on my shoulder, "do you want to talk about it?" I turned to face him, considering his offer. He had been trying to get me to open up for weeks but it felt wrong. It was all too personal to share. His trust in me was suffering because I couldn't push myself to trust anyone with what I was going through. It's not like I did any of it on purpose. I just couldn't make myself talk to anyone about it. "No, it's nothing."

"Okay." He dropped his hand, "I'll be busy these next couple of days, but I think Biana was going to stop by today too." I didn't respond, and he didn't push it further. I heard his footsteps get further and further away, a door opened and closed and I was left alone again with nothing but silence. I laid my head back down, I don't know how long I sat there for, long enough for the silence to become soothing.

_**We've been so lost without you. I've been so lost without you, I don't know who I am anymore.** _

"Miss Foster." I jumped from my thoughts, "My apologies, I didn't mean to scare you." I stood up, turning to the door of the healing center, "what did you mean to do?"

Lord Cassius stood midway between the door and his son's cot, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. His eyes looked heavy, and the bags under them looked even heavier. "I just wanted to check up on my s- On Keefe.." He took a single step closer, his eyes darting from mine to where his son lay. Lord Cassius came by to visit at least once a day, but he never stayed longer than 20 minutes.

"Well, he's still in a coma." I snapped. He didn't deserve to even be allowed to care about how Keefe was. He didn't care when he put an immense amount of pressure on him, or when Keefe continually put his life in danger, he didn't care when his son was right in front of him internally begging him to care.. It was too little too late.

Lord Cassius huffed, he straightened the already straight pin holding his cape together. The Sencen family crest. What a joke. "You got your update, you can go now." I used to be so scared to stand up to him, but not anymore. I wasn't scared of anything anymore. The worst thing that could happen was already happening. I had nothing else left to lose.

He didn't argue, we'd had this conversation many times before and it never ended the way he wanted. He just let out a long puff of air from his nose and turned, "I will see you again tomorrow, Miss Foster." He grumbled as he walked out the door.

"Seems lighter in here all of a sudden." I turned towards Elwin who was making his way over to Keefe's cot. I know the joke was supposed to get me to smile but I couldn't. I readied myself to help Elwin readjust Keefe, if he laid in one place for too long he would get bed sores. Although I'm sure he'll still be sore if he wakes up, this was all they could do to help. I internally cursed myself.

_When._

When he wakes up.

"You need to go home today, Sophie." Elwin was looking at me with that look everyone has been giving me lately. Pity and worry. A look as if to say, "poor broken girl."

"I'm fine, Elwin. I'll take some time later today and then come back tonight." It wasn't what he meant, what he wanted. But he took the compromise and just nodded, going back to his office.

I took my place back in my seat beside Keefe's cot, but not before reaching up to fix his hair. I could never get the perfect tousled look he did, but I tried my best. I'd told him that a few times before. Hoping he wouldn't hold it against me when he woke up. My stomach knotted up, and I had to blink back the tears forming in my eyes.

**_Can I tell you something? Just between you and me.. I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice. I just want to hear your voice again. We can't do this without you. Please come back to us._ **

I sighed and sat back letting my head fall back so I was looking at the ceiling.

**_I'm going insane. Everyone thinks so. I mean I spend my days sitting in silence with a coma patient, so I can't exactly blame them. Maybe if you would just WAKE UP, I wouldn't have to deal with all the weird looks people give me.. Don't you want to save me from that?_ **

**_Guess not. That's really rude of you, Keefe Sencen._ **

Ugh! I rubbed my eyes and stood up, the chair I was sitting in clanged against the cot behind it. The abrupt sound caused Elwin to come running in, "sorry.." He looked relieved, and.. Disappointed. He made his way back into his office, and I went to the bathroom.

I walked to the sink and splashed cold water on my face, resting my face in my hands for a few seconds. 52 seconds to be exact.

Yikes.

Looking into the mirror I realized Fitz was right. I do look horrible. I grazed my fingers over the dark circles around my eyes. I should probably get home before Biana gets here. I definitely didn't need another Vacker looking at me like I was an injured puppy. Biana always meant well, but she never held back like Fitz did. And he had already told her she looked horrible, so who knows what Biana would say.

I fussed with my hair for a few minutes before just giving up, there was no fixing it. Not without a lot of conditioner and a hairbrush and maybe a little help from Vertina. I exited the bathroom to find the healing center more crowded than I had left it.

Dex, Tam, and Linh were standing around Keefe. Well, Linh and Dex were. Tam was a few steps behind them. He noticed her first, "hey Sophie." Linh and Dex turned. Dex tried to hide his expression but failed miserably. "I know I look bad." I put my hand up, "I'm leaving soon to go home and shower."

"Do you want one of us to go with you?" Linh asked, her voice sweet and soft. She was the only one who never looked at me like I was breaking and they had to be extra careful with me. "No, that's okay, I'll be fine." I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but I know it fell flat. "But since you guys are here, I should probably go now." Sophie felt slightly better about leaving because at least he wouldn't be alone the whole time she was gone.

"Tam, tell Tiergan I'll be a little late will you?" Linh had turned to face her brother he nodded. She picked up my bag that was sitting by Keefe's cot and made her way over to me. "Let’s go" She looped her arm in mine. I took a quick look back at Keefe.

**_I'll be right back._ **

Linh gave me a quizzical look, I ignored her and pulled out my home crystal.

_**o** _

"So" Linh started as soon as she shut the door to my room after we finished answering a thousand questions from Grady and Edaline. Well, Linh mostly answered for me. Grady didn't like that I was still spending all of my time in the healing center, but Edaline understood. Or she said she did.

Linh didn't wait for me to acknowledge her, "you've been transmitting to him." It wasn't a question but I answered anyway, "what would make you say that?" Did I want everyone knowing I was talking to someone who might not ever answer me? Someone who probably didn't even hear me?

She just shrugged walking over to the wall of windows in my room that faced the ocean. "I could just sense it before we left today. You told him goodbye, right? Because you were leaving."

I let out a small sigh, "I told him I'd be back." Linh turned back to me, looking too hard. Like she was looking _for_ something. She finally met my eyes and smiled, "that's a relief."

"What?" I had just told her I was talking to my comatose friend.. and she was _relieved?_ Am I still dreaming? I was sure my face was laced with confusion.

"We all thought you were just sitting in silence with him all day. We've all been worried about you." _We all._ That must mean they've all talked about me collectively. That explained why they would all constantly visit the healing center. Keefe's state wasn't changing so there was no reason for them to all visit so much.

They weren't checking on him. They were checking on me.

I didn't know what to say, so I just walked towards my bathroom. "I'm gonna shower, you can head back home.. or hang out here if you want." I hoped she would.

As soon as I got into the bathroom I shed off my clothing and started the shower. It didn't take long for the water to heat up. Stepping under the flow of water felt like a breath of fresh air.

I don't know how long I stayed in the shower but when I walked out of my bathroom in my towel Linh was sitting on my bed, waiting for me. She gave me a soft smile and went back to the book she was reading.

I walked over to my closet and found the most comfortable outfit I could and a few spare outfits. I went to walk out of the closet and stopped right in front of the door. Turning around I made my way to the back of my closet, where I kept my capes. My heart jolted as my fingers trailed over a cape that wasn't mine. He'd given it to me because I was cold, even though he was cold he gave it to me. Because that's what he did, everyone else's needs always came before his own.

I draped it over my shoulders and walked back to join Linh, as she looked up her smile grew, going all the way up to her eyes. "It looks good on you." She didn't say she was talking about the cape, but I knew she was.

"Linh.." My voice sounded frail, "I can't lose him." The word slipped out, but Sophie didn't regret them. She hadn't told anyone about her worries in weeks. It felt good to say at least one aloud.

She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug, she was rubbing the back of my head, "you're allowed to cry, you know.."   
  
"Yeah, I know," I mumbled into her shoulder. But I couldn't. I couldn't let myself start crying. After a few minutes, I finally pulled away and she put her hand in mine, "come over here." She led me to my desk and lightly pushed my shoulder to get me to sit down. I did. Then she went into my bathroom and came back out with a hairbrush. I let her brush my hair, she went slowly. Doing her best not to pull on any knots that I had been unable to get out in the shower.

It felt nice. Calming. She didn't try to force me to talk, or even ask any questions she just let me sit in silence and took care of me. Each time she loosened a knot in my hair a knot in my stomach loosen. She placed the brush down and started braiding my hair. When she was finished it felt almost as if the braid was holding not only my hair together but me. I could feel myself starting to fracture, how was I going to do this? If he didn't wake up, I don't know what I'd do. How would I go on?

I pushed those thoughts away. He was going to wake up. He had to.

Linh rested her hands on my shoulders, they relaxed under her touch. She pulled her chin down to my shoulder so I could see her face in the reflection of my mirror. "Let's get you back to, Keefe, huh?" I put my hand on top of hers and squeezed. "Thank you.. For everything."

She smiled and straightened back up, she flipped her hand over so she could hold the hand I had placed on top of hers, pulling me up from my chair. I reached for my bag but she took it from my hands and put it over her shoulder, pulling out her pathfinder.

**_o_ **

The healing center was empty when we got there, well almost empty.

"Do you want me to stay for a while?" Linh asked, she walked over to set my bag back beside Keefe's cot. I was about to say no when I felt an all too familiar aching in my heart. I just nodded and she smiled. She sat on the cot beside Keefe's and patted beside her. Before I could even sit down, she started, "do you think he can hear you?" She focused her eyes on Keefe.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I used to hope that he could, but now.." I looked down, could she feel my shame? Could she feel the way my pulse raced just thinking about him being able to hear me? "You feel like if he could hear you now he's just been ignoring you?" She asked, not in a prodding way, but more worried. I actually hadn't thought about it that way, though. Now I had a new reason for my heart to ache. If by some miracle of a chance if Keefe could hear me.. He was choosing not to acknowledge it.

I bit my lip and looked to Keefe, would he do that? Would he just ignore me..? Would he choose to stay in a coma? He did look almost peaceful laying there. More peaceful than he's looked in years. His features were soft, relaxed. "No, I don't think he's ignoring me.." _Right?_

Keefe would never choose to leave us alone, he would never put his friends through this. Not intentionally. Linh placed her hand on top of mine, drawing my attention back to her. "I don't think he's ignoring you either." She said it so matter-of-factly, "Keefe, couldn't ignore you even if he wanted to. His heart would never let him." What? What does that mean?

I was about to ask when the door to the healing center swung open. They both slightly jumped at the sound. The healing center was always so quiet. Even when people were talking there was always an eerie silence buzzing around them. Not just the healing center. Everywhere. Without Keefe there was always just.. missing noise. It felt like I could only hear the background noise now and none of it mattered.

"Biana!" Linh stood up and crossed over to the brunette who had just entered the healing center, pulling her into a hug. "I didn't know you were coming by today." She said it like it was an accusation.

"What did you guys get your 'Check on Foster' schedule's crossed?" Biana's eyes widened, and Linh just smiled sheepishly.. It had been a joke but when both of their faces fell to sad smiles it wasn't funny anymore, not that it had been that funny to begin with. Or funny at all. "What?" They were both staring at me like I was the one in the coma. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Linh and Biana exchanged glances before Biana took the spot on the other side of me and Linh sat back down. "You called yourself Foster." Biana finally said.

_Did I? Why did I do that?_

"Oh." I squeezed my eyes shut. Bringing my hands to my temples. I couldn't see but I was sure Biana and Linh were passing worried glances back and forth. "I'm fine," I mumbled. I looked up, my eyes going straight to Keefe. "I just miss him.." I don't know if I was saying it to Biana and Linh, Keefe, or to myself..

They each grabbed one of my hand. I scooted back slightly so I could see both of them better. "Why won't he wake up..?" I said to no one, did I even say it aloud?

Biana just looked down, she didn't have an answer. Neither of them did. No one did. We sat in silence for a long time. 924 seconds to be exact. Biana was the first one to break the silence, "what are you gonna do when he does wake up?" Her voice was timid like she was almost afraid to say the words.

"What do you mean?" I looked to Linh and she didn't look nearly as confused as I felt. Was I missing something?

"I just mean.. Are you going to tell him?" Biana asked, there was a spark in her eye. a small glint of something I can't describe, it wasn't hope.. Curiosity maybe? "Tell who what?" I turned all of my focus to Biana, but she was looking past me to Linh.

I snapped my attention to Linh, "what?" Neither of them said anything. Linh looked to the floor and Biana just bit her lip. "Guys?"

"What are you guys not telling me?" I don't understand. Did they figure something out? I'd spent every minute I could in the healing center since I'd carried Keefe here. Had they discovered something and kept it from me? They wouldn't do that.. Would they?

"Guys.." My voice came out too broken, they both noticed. Linh reached up to wipe the new set of tears streaming down my cheek. "Sophie, it's not about Keefe. It's about you."

"I don't understand.." Someone released a long breath, was it me? I don't think so. Biana maybe. "I mean.. Are you going to tell him how you feel now?"

"WHO?" Now I was even more confused. Did she mean Fitz? Fitz and I had broken up and I definitely wasn't ready to even attempt to fix things between us yet. We'd agreed to be friends but things were still off with us. I know Biana wanted Fitz and I together.. But I just can't think about that right now. I mean Keefe is barely alive. How was she thinking about feelings and Fitz right now? I almost told her exactly that when she spoke again, "Keefe."

"KEEFE?!" I echoed. How I feel about Keefe.. I didn't feel anything about Keefe. "I don't feel anything for Keefe. Except that I want him to wake up." Linh snorted, I turned to glare at her and she retorted by flicking her brow up. She clearly didn't believe me, and the eyeroll from Biana meant she didn't either. "Why would you guys think I have feelings for Keefe?"

They both had similar expressions, Linh's slightly softer, but both looked as if they wanted to say 'Sophie how dumb do you think we are?' But instead, Linh said, "I mean.. Sophie, you've been by his side for over a month."

"You refused to leave his side at all for the first week." Biana pointed out. What did that matter? He was my friend and he's in a coma. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't let him be alone.

"So?" I retorted.

"So.. You clearly have feelings for him." Her town came out slightly more aggressive than I'm sure she meant it. My eyes flicked up to Keefe, he didn't look like him. He hadn't looked like himself in weeks, but parts of him were still there. Still him. Feelings for Keefe. It's official, they're both insane. I looked back towards them, they had both been watching me. Both looking at me as if to say 'told you so.' I scoffed, "I don't have feelings for Keefe."

Biana laughed, "yes you do."

"I think I know my own feelings, Biana." At that, they both started laughing and I felt something knotting in my stomach.

No, it wasn't a knot.

It was like a bunch of bees had been released into my gut.

Not bees.

Butterflies.

I swallowed a sharp breath and looked back at the beautiful blonde boy laying in front of me. I quickly closed my eyes.

_**Come back. I need you.** _

A gasp came from beside me, making me jump and snap my eyes open. "Biana!" I clutched my chest, willing my heartbeat to slow down.

"You just spoke to him, didn't you?!" Was I that obvious? I really needed to learn to be more subtle, and maybe not do it around other people. I didn't need everyone knowing I was going insane. "No" _Really?_ I couldn't have made my voice sound even slightly believable?

"What did you say?" Biana's face lit up, hope rising in her eyes. I looked back into Linh's eyes and she gave a small nod. Biana probably didn't even notice it. I let out a long sigh-groan-mix, "I told him to come back.." I didn't add the other part. They already thought I had feelings for Keefe, and I definitely didn't need to give them more reason to think so.

Biana seemed to think about this for a second, "has he ever spoken back?" I opened my mouth to tell her, no, but she didn't give me a chance. "Of course not, if he did you would have told someone, Elwin probably, and we all would have heard about it by now. Do you think he can hear you? I bet not.. If he could he would definitely wake up. I mean if anyone could pull him out of this it's you. And.." She trailed off. Deep in thought again.

This was all giving me a headache, I was starting to miss the silence that had enveloped the healing center before. A silence that was so loud it sometimes made my ears ring. A silence I often wished would go away, would be filled with his laugh. His voice. I wanted it to be filled with his teasing. With his jokes. With his complaints. I waited for days for him to just open his eyes and complain to Elwin about how gross all of the medicine was, or how bored he was. But he didn't and the silence became normal. Expected.

Until now. Biana's words were practically floating around my head.

_'Feelings for Keefe. Can he hear you? He would definitely wake up. Are you going to tell him? If anyone could pull him out of this it's you. It's you.'_

_It's me?_

Linh's words echoed in my head, 'Keefe couldn't ignore you if he wanted to, his heart wouldn't let him.' His _heart._

"What did you mean?" I asked. They both looked hopelessly confused. "You." I faced Biana, "you said if anyone could pull him out of this it's me.." Biana started to speak but I cut her off, "and you." I turned towards Linh this time, "you said.. Keefe wouldn't be able to ignore me, that his heart wouldn't let him.." I looked back to Biana and then to Linh again. "What did you mean?"

"You really don't know?" Linh asked, squeezing my hand lightly. "Don't know what?" My voice was full of desperation. Why? What did I think they were going to say? My heart twitched in pain. The looks. The pity. The worry. "Stop looking at each other and tell me what you meant."

If I have to see them give each other the same look again I'm going to scream. Luckily for all of our ears and my lungs Biana turned her eyes to me but her words went straight through me. There was no way I heard her correctly. But they were both looking at me expecting a response but her words just echoed around in my head. "Um, Sophie.. Did you hear m-"

"I heard you." I shook my head, "But you're wrong. Keefe doesn't.. He couldn't." Could he? Not that it mattered. I didn't have feelings for Keefe. Did I? No.

Linh's voice cut through my thoughts, "He could, and he does."

"Actually, he's liked you since he was a level four," Biana said, proudly.

That didn't make sense. "That can't be right, Keefe was a level four when I met him." My mind dove back to the moment I heard him for the first time, 'you must be lost.' "Exactly," Biana said, shrugging her shoulders. This can't be happening. Keefe was comatose and they were trying to make me talk about feelings that didn't exist. Biana was talking again, but I stopped paying attention. Letting her words just drift around me.

I can almost imagine what he would be saying right now, probably something about how Linh and Biana were nosey and definitely something about the feelings buzzing through my body. I can see him fanning the air, telling me to calm down before I make him sick. I missed his voice the most. His voice could calm my nerves better than anyone and now it was gone and I didn't know when I would ever hear it again. My mind felt trapped without him. Like I was locked away. Like my mind was a prison and his voice was the key. When I hear his voice I'll be free.

"I miss him." My voice was broken. Or was I? I felt broken. My shoulders slouched in on themselves, the voices stopped. The only noises I could hear were my own sobs. They wrapped their arms around me. It almost felt like they were the only thing holding me together. I don't even know how long we sat there. I cried and they held me, occasionally I felt someone's hands rubbing my hair and telling me it would be okay. But would it? Would it ever be okay again?

The next thing I knew Elwin was standing over me, beside Biana. Linh on the other side of me. I was laying down, I don't remember laying down. "Sophie, you need to take this." He held up a bottle, no. No. "I don't want a seda-" He moved the bottle closer to me, Linh helped me sit up, "I know you don't want one, but you need one."

He sighed, "it's only a mild sedative. Nothing serious. But you need to rest. You're running on empty as it is." Each of his words were deliberately laced with concern. I couldn't help risking a glance over to Keefe.

"How about.." Biana pulled my attention away, "Why don't we move your cot closer to his." Her smile was sweet but there was something about the look in her eye.. Something giddy. "So if by some miracle he wakes up, you'll be the first thing he sees."

Why did that make my pulse go crazy? For weeks I've been here waiting for him to wake up, knowing.. Hoping I would be the first thing he saw when he woke up. Why did it suddenly make my stomach start doing somersaults?

They were all staring at me, waiting. I didn't trust my voice to be as steady as I needed it to be, so I only nodded and reached for the bottle in Elwin's hand.

 _"Sleep well, Sophie."_ I don't know who said it or if anyone said it at all. Maybe it was all in my head. I wanted to hold on, but I could feel my mind slipping. Eventually, I let it pull me. Pull me away. Pull me down. Into a deep, deep sleep.

**_o_ **

My head feels light. Lighter than it has in months. I can feel eyes on me. Elwin, probably. Noises. Voices? No. Laughing? I pulled my hand to my face, needing to shield my eyes from the bright lights that were about to burn them. But when I opened them.. Nothing. No burning, no stinging.

"The rested look looks good on you..." The voice forced me to jolt upright, "Sophie." He finished. I didn't give him time to say anything else. I've never held anything as tightly as I held him right then. He didn't tense up or wince at all. His arms instantly around me, holding me in place. "Sophie, I need to talk to you." His words got lost, I couldn't think, I couldn't move.

He was awake.

His hands rubbed my back, soothing all of my tears away. I didn't want to let go. But Elwin was sure to come soon now that he was awake. Or maybe he had already been in to check on him. I leaned back ever so slightly, letting myself take in those ice-blue eyes hadn't seen in weeks. "How long have you been awake?" I raised my shaky hand to his face, he placed his hand on top of mine, "I can't believe you're awake."

"About that.. Sophie, we need to talk." I didn't like the way he said it, the tone he used. I pulled my hand away from his, away from his cheek, away from him. His eyes trailed down to my hands, but only for a moment. His features were soft, too soft. Almost wrong.

"I need you to listen to me, okay? It's important." His eyes were looking at me too intensely, but I couldn't look away. I nodded, letting his voice fill the silence his absence had created. "I need you to do me a favor.. and I need you to agree to it before I tell you what it is."

I didn't hesitate, "Anything." I hoped he couldn't hear the desperation in my voice, but he couldn't miss it in my emotions. If he noticed it, he didn't acknowledge it.

His voice was cool and even, too steady for someone who just woken up from a month-long coma, "I know you're scared but, Sophie, I need you to.. Forget."

"Forget?" I didn't understand.

He only nodded, "Forget all the wrong I've done. All the times I've messed up. I need you to forget them."

What.. "Keefe, I've already forgiven you for all of that. For everything."

"I know you've forgiven me, But, Sophie, I need you to forget." His hand raised up, I felt his thumb gently trace my jawline. His hand trailed upwards, pushing a stray piece of hair behind my ear, letting his hand rest on my cheek. "I can't have you resenting me because of that empty feeling that'll be left. All that hurt you've kept bottled up inside, Sophie, I need you to stop pretending it's not there. You need to let it out or.. Let someone in."

None of this made any sense. What is he talking about and why did it hurt? I leaned into his hand until they were both resting against my shoulder. Something was wrong. There was no warmth, no spark from his touch. "Keefe, I don't understand..." My voice echoed around in my head.

He let out a long sigh before continuing, "Sophie when I have to go I need you to not hate me. I need all of your memories of me to be good ones. I want you to keep me in your memory as someone who you could miss, and just leave everything else out. Can you do that for me?"

"Go?" He can't leave. I just got him back. "Where are you going? Keefe, you can't leave."

"When my time comes.. I'm going to need your help. I need you to help me leave behind a reason to be missed, Sophie. Will you help me?" His eyes were wrong. There wasn't any warmth in them. They looked.. empty.

"You can't leave me." My voice was too frail. "Keefe.."

His words swirled around me.

_When my time comes. In your memory. That empty feeling._

_When my time comes._

"Keefe" He wouldn't look at me, why wouldn't he look at me? I don't know where the strength came from but I was screaming now, "KEEFE"

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?"

"PLEASE.. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME"

"Sophie.."

"KEEFE"

His eyes met mine, a single tear fell down his cheek. He leaned forward, I squeezed my eyes shut, everything hurt. My heart was beating too fast. His lips pressed against my forehead, "wake up, Sophie."

"W-What?"

He pulled back, I opened my eyes to find him looking back at me, His smile felt wrong. Too sad to belong on his face, "It's time for you to wake up, Sophie."

_Sophie._

This was wrong.

No.

NO.

Something tightened around me "Sophie." I couldn't breathe. "SOPHIE" I needed to get away. To get out.

"Let me go. Let me go. LET ME GO." Tighter. Someone was shaking me. "Please don't leave me." No, no. I was shaking. "Sophie, it's just a dream, wake up."

_A dream._

_It was just a dream._

"You need to wake up, Foster." His voice again. It was steady and forceful.

I jolted awake, an intake of breath burned my throat. I quickly looked around, unable to calm my breathing. It hurt. Everything hurt. Arms were around me, but I couldn't tell who they belonged to. "It's okay, Sophie, it was just a dream." I was still shaking, a dream. But it felt so real. The tears streaming down my face were real, the pain echoing from my heart was real.

"It wasn't a dream." I thought the voice was my own but the arms around me went limp and suddenly I was alone on the cot again.

The cot?

Right. I was in the healing center. My eyes darted to the cot beside mine, he's still asleep. This time it was my voice, "what do you mean it wasn't a dream?"

Elwin, who was probably the person who spoke first, said, "that was definitely more of a nightmare." Relief. It wasn't real. None of it was real.

Fitz spoke next.

Fitz. What was he doing here? He must have been the one who had their arms around me. He woke me up. Right?

"Definitely." He turned back to me, "you were screaming for so long. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Your mind was completely blocked too.." He absentmindedly kicked the floor.

"I didn't know I could block you out anymore.." I hadn't been able to in a long time.

He huffed and shoved his hands into his pockets, "neither did I." Oh. He was hurt but it's not like I did it on purpose? He wouldn't see it that way. I should have told him anyway, though. But I didn't.

"I thought you were going to be busy these next few days?" I asked. He had told me that yesterday, I think..

He kicked at nothing on the floor again, "I was."

Was. I furrowed my brow, "how long?" He just looked at me, I could tell he didn't want to answer. "Fitz, how long have I been asleep?" After he let out a long breath, he brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, "three days.."

"THREE DAYS?" I snapped, shaking my head. I missed two whole days and they had all let me. "Mild sedative" I mumbled. If I wasn't completely against sedatives before I was now. I closed my eyes and started rubbing my temples.

The end of the cot dented as Fitz sat down, I could feel his eyes on me but I couldn't look at him. Couldn't face him. "Sophie." He waited, but I didn't respond. So he scooted closer, "Sophie, you can talk to me, you know.."

I pulled my knees to my chest. If only it was that easy. I wish it was that easy. Why wasn't it that easy? Why was it so hard to talk to someone? To anyone. Could I let people in? or would they just see how truly broken I am and turn away..

_All that hurt you've kept bottled up inside, Sophie, I need you to stop pretending it's not there. You need to let it out or.. Let someone in._

"Okay," I mumbled, half hoping he wouldn't hear me.

"Okay?" He sounded surprised, not that I could blame him. I hadn't let him in on anything going on with me in weeks. I sighed, "don't make me change my mind."

He gave me a small reassuring smile, but it was somehow less. Less than his normal smile. I recounted all of the events from my nightmares. Both of them. He sat and listened, didn't interrupt a single time. He nodded when he should have nodded, and flinched when he should have flinched. It felt nice. Good. It felt really good. To finally tell someone about it, or to just say it all out loud. When I finished, his teal eyes finally met mine, "thank you."

I tilted my head, why would he thank me for loading all of my problems on him? He answered my question without me even having to ask it, "for trusting me."

He was so sincere, it pulled at my heart. "There's more.." I bit the inside of my cheek, and he arched his brow. I told him about how I'd been transmitting to Keefe every day, how I knew everyone was checking up on me, about the conversation with Linh and Biana.

Although the Linh and Biana conversation slipped out and I tried to retract it, but, he pushed me to talk about it. I thought he would be mad that his sister was basically trying to push me towards another guy but he wasn't.

"They're right, you know." Was the last thing I expected to hear him say after I finished talking. "What?" My brows scrunched together.

He let out a small laugh and reached up to smooth the wrinkle between my brows. "It's okay. I knew he liked you and I knew you had... some feelings for him. I just didn't know exactly what they were." He flicked his eyes to Keefe, "I'm sure he did though."

I let my own eyes wander over to Keefe. Three people had told me and I still couldn't make myself believe he liked me. My own feelings aside, there was no way Keefe Sencen liked me as anything more than a friend. But that was what he needed and I was more than okay being that for him. He needed someone to care about him, and I did. I always would.

The cot shifted underneath me, my eyes darted back to Fitz who was now standing between my cot and Keefe's. "I've got to get back to Everglen." He dragged out his words, unmoving. "Hail me if you need me?" It was more of a question than a request.

"Of course." I replied, he took a few steps towards the door before looking back over his shoulder, 'It will all be okay, Sophie." I gave him the best smile I could muster and then he was gone. And the silence was back.

I let myself sink into the silence. Let it surround me. Willing Fitz's words to be true. It would be okay. It needed to be okay. I pulled my knees tighter to my chest, my thoughts started to jumble in my head. They were all spinning and mixing together. Nothing was making any sense.

I spent the next couple of hours sifting through everything I had told Fitz, everything he had told me. And Biana. And Linh. I recounted every memory of Keefe and I.

Every joke. Every teasing remark. Every blush. Every time Keefe went out of his way to protect me. Every time my skin burned at his touch. Every time my heart skipped a beat when he would take my hand.

My pulse was racing, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. Had I really missed all of those signs? And now what? How can everything be different now but.. Nothing has changed. UGH! Why wouldn't he just wake up! What if he never did..

My mind drifted back to the nightmare, it had seemed so real. Except he called me Sophie..

_Help me leave behind a reason to be missed_

His words bounced around my head. He didn't think anyone would miss him. He didn't think anyone cared. What if he wasn't going to leave.. He was just never going to come back. What if he was trying to tell her goodbye? But it wasn't him. It was a dream. A nightmare. None of it was real.

Nothing made sense anymore. It was all making my head hurt. I got up and paced around the room. What am I supposed to do..

**Keefe liked me.**

_Maybe._

**I liked Keefe.**

_No._

_Yes._

_No.._

**Yes.**

Would I ever get the chance to tell him?

My eyes flicked to Keefe, peacefully lying. I looked around the healing center for my chair. The same chair I'd been sitting in for a month. I pulled it back over to his cot and sat down.

I spent the next couple of hours just thinking. Of what I could say, what I would say if given the chance. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but nothing sounded good enough. I tucked my hand under his and let out a long breath before closing my eyes.

 ** _Keefe.. I wish you were here_**.

I swallowed hard, forcing all of my nerves away. This wasn't that big of a deal. It's not like I'm actually telling him anything. 

_**So.. I've been thinking.** _

_**Actually, I've been practicing.. For like hours about what I'm gonna say and I think I've finally figured it out. Sort of. The more I think the worse it all sounds. So I guess I just have to get it over with.. Although it kind of feels like I'm cheating? Like I'm taking the easy way out since you can't actually hear me.. I just need to say it. Or think it. Whatever.** _

_**I'm sure none of this will even come as a surprise to you, though, being an empath has serious unfair advantages.** _

_**So, I like you and I don't know exactly when I started to, but now I don't know what to do. You're not here and I'm lost. I miss you more than I ever thought I would or could miss someone. When you're here I feel safe, because I know you would never let me fall, and if I did, I know you would catch me. You always catch me. I can talk to you easier than I can talk to anyone, half the time I don't even have to say anything and you just know.. It's like you can speak directly to my heart. I don't even know how to explain it, what I feel when you're around... But you're not here anymore.. and every day it just gets harder and harder. I don't know how to do any of this without you. There's this hole in my chest.. this pain in my heart... And it won't go away. I don't know what to do. Just tell me what to do, Keefe.** _

_**Please tell me what to do.** _

Tears started streaming down my cheeks. I pulled my hand from his and laid my head in my hands. My shoulders started shaking, I couldn't keep my sobs in anymore. It had been over a month, what did I think was going to happen? I couldn't move. I could only cry.

**_I'm sorry. I wish I was enough.. I'm just not enough to wake you up._ **

I let myself cry for a while, not that I could have forced myself to stop anyway. I knew someone had come into the healing center I could hear them moving, breathing. But, I didn't care, It didn't matter. None of it mattered.

A hand started rubbing the back of my head. There was movement all around me. My skin felt warm, someone was hugging me. I squeezed my eyes shut, I was so tired of crying but I couldn't do anything else. The arms around me loosened. Not loosened, moved. They picked me up. My arms instinctively wrapped around their neck. I was sitting on a cot now. I buried my face into their chest, their arms wrapped around me again. Holding me. Soothing me. They started to speak and my heart sank,

**_"You are always enough, Foster."_ **


End file.
